When I launched my newsletter a week ago, I decided to deactivate my blog. My thought was that I had this new platform from which I could share my thoughts, so a blog space seemed redundant.
As you can see, I have now found that not to be the case. Both spaces have their own personalities, their own identities. Both are needed, at least for me. One does not necessarily negate the other. Turns out both things can be true. (Though you are of course welcome to scroll through whichever platform you choose.)
With Mother's Day fast approaching, and a series of events that led me to some deep reflection (shocker, I know lol), I was reminded of the gifts, and the challenges, that come with being a mother… and with being a child.
Mother’s Day is promoted as this day to celebrate your Mom! Celebrate being a Mom! Celebrate all things Mom and Mom-adjacent and Mom-other and Mom-woohoo!
And it's absolutely okay to do that, and to feel that.
But it's also okay to acknowledge that sometimes being a Mom is fucking hard. That sometimes having a Mom, or not having a Mom, or trying to find a maternal smile source on an otherwise difficult day is fucking hard.
Both things can be true.
I absolutely adore my kid. She is one of the singular most important beings on the planet and I am in awe of her every damn day. She tackles this world with such reckless abandon and wide-eyed wonder. She has rekindled in me a childlike innocence I thought was long ago lost. She has challenged me to be better, to do better, to deal with my shit so I can be a strong, empathetic, caring parent and a soft place for her to land, no matter what.
But y'all, she is two.
And some days, Lord have mercy, I am hanging on by a thread. When every other minute is a meltdown-worthy crisis, when she doesn't know what she wants and so chooses to scream about it at the top of her lungs, when she wants to play even though it's time to go and pitches an unholy fit about it, I am reminded of why they call this age “the terrible.” There is a reason why motherhood is not for everyone. And even if you’ve chosen it, or it has chosen you, it is still okay to admit that some days are just fucking hard.
Both things can be true.
In the same way, I can relish my days full of precious, tender moments with her - teaching her how to blow her first dandelion and holding on to all the rocks and twigs and grass and earthworms she chooses to hand me that day as she explores the yard - and still grieve the loss of the time I so desperately need to create and work, to replenish myself, or to spend some much needed non-parenting time with my partner.
Both things can be true.
And it’s not just the being a parent side of it either.
One of the most difficult things about being the child of another (and we all are exactly that, whether we acknowledge it or not), is realizing that our parents… are people too. They are just as full of trauma and hope and sorrow and wonder as we are. As children, we often look up to them, think they are infallible, put them on a pedestal that no human could possibly reach. And when that fateful day arrives that we discover they are just like us, well, sometimes that’s a hard hit. It doesn’t negate what they have or had been to us. It doesn’t nullify all they’ve accomplished. It’s merely a change of perspective that allows us to recognize ourselves within them. This only gets more difficult once we lose a parent, where we are faced with not only our perceptions and experiences, but the severing of that physical tie that binds us. We feel that love, that reality… and that loss.
Both things can be true.
And so as you celebrate Mother's Day, allow yourself the space and the grace to feel whatever it is you need to feel. Whether it's joyful memory, the loss of a parent - or a child, a strenuous relationship, celebration or sorrow. A particular feeling does not have to be exclusive. Emotions are complicated and it is okay to take the space to uncover them, and recover from them. You can love and cry. Be grateful and grieving. Hopeful and realistic.
Both things can be true.
Wishing you all a blessed Mother’s Day, however you feel compelled to acknowledge it. And sending you all so much love. 💖💫