“For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven…” Ecclesiastes 3:1
On Monday, December 21st, 2020, I gave birth to our daughter. An event a long time coming, with years of growth and change and development leading the way to her. My husband and I spent so much of my pregnancy processing and working on ourselves, making sure we would be at our best for her arrival. It was a true time of transformation and a deeper one than I ever expected to experience.
While the pregnancy itself was relatively painless, we struggled a lot with some external circumstances. We were challenged repeatedly, and forced to honor our intuition, making choices and decisions that many others would not have made. Ultimately, we learned those decisions were the right ones - validation is so very helpful when dealing with situations like that - but in the moment, it was terrifying and we worried whether or not we were doing the right thing.
I worked so hard on manifesting the birth story that I wanted. That I felt I needed. I saw it so clearly. Lived it over and over again. I was convinced it would be everything I had hoped for. But on the day of her birth, everything went sideways. Every single box on my birth plan turned into the exact opposite of what I wanted. The images I had experienced became wisps of smoke as the reality of her entrance to the world bore down on us all.
All things considered, it went really smoothly. But it was not without its trauma. For both me and my husband, bringing her into this world, and the recovery that has followed, has been one of, if not the most difficult thing we have ever had to live through. Some of our worst fears realized. Juxtaposed with the glory of bringing this incredible little being into the world, it made it all the more difficult for us to work through and process the darkness that led to her arrival. And the struggle to regain ourselves in its wake.
But we’re working on it.
I’ve been reminded these last weeks that there is a season for everything. There are lessons in everything. My ideal birth scenario did not have anything to teach me. In fact, during one of my healing meditations, I was shown that my manifestation work had been so complete that I had in fact already experienced that story. There was nothing to learn there. But there was the opportunity for so much growth in the way things actually unfolded.
This season, I am learning to heal. I am learning to ask for help. I am learning that I cannot always do everything and to take things as they come. I am learning to be present. I am learning how to allow the emotions to flow naturally, give them the time they require, and let them continue to flow downstream as I sail on.
This is a season of growth. Of healing. Of joy. Of love. It is a season of remembering what is most important. Of adjusting to a new normal and allowing life to expand in thousands of tiny ways. It is the season of letting go of expectations and letting what is to come, come. Our holidays looked very different this year on account of everything that happened, plus Covid. And that is just one of the many examples of how these energies have been at play.
This season has been hard. I’m not going to pretend it hasn’t. And we are still working our way through it. But I know it’s going to serve as the foundation for all that I, that we, are going to become. My daughter is the most beautiful being I have ever seen. Born on the day of the light returning (Winter Solstice), the day of the great conjunction between Saturn and Jupiter, the return of the Christmas star, on her daddy’s birthday, at the end of one of the most life-altering years in memory, and the week of Christmas, this girl is poised to be magnificent. And I am here for it. I won’t let the trauma of my lessons taint the miracle of her existence.
We are all on our way to expanding and evolving into our best selves. We are leaving behind all that holds us back. And we are stepping into all that we are meant to become. It's hard, and it's messy, but it's worth it. And we are all capable of moving forward despite our individual and collective hardships.
My word of the year for 2021 is “Unfolding.” My goal is to allow all that I am to blossom. To stop being afraid of judgement. To allow my gifts and talents to come forth as they have always been meant to. I want to be an example for my daughter. I want her to know how important it is to be true to yourself no matter what. If I can’t model that, then I have no business encouraging it in her. I have plans, big plans, big desires that I know will be realized with the Universe’s help. I am open to Spirit’s influence as I know what comes from Spirit is always greater than what can come from myself. I am working on being better, stronger, healthier. And I can’t wait to see what’s in store. This decade has all the makings of greatness. 2020 has served as a great transition into its beginnings.
Now is the time to realize everything I am intended to be.
And to use that to be the best mother I can be to the greatest gift I’ve ever received.
Warm wishes to you all in this new year. I look forward to the adventures we will have, and the magic we will make, together. 💖✨