I have to say, friends, that these first few weeks of 2020 have been something else. They began well enough… an enjoyable low-key ringing in of the new year (as noted in my most recent blog post), followed by spending time with some wonderful friends…
But after that… well… for me personally, they sort of just… plummeted.
It wasn’t just one thing, and it wasn’t all at once. No, it was a slow build… a tiny snow nugget rolling down a peaceful hill… gradually packing on more layers until suddenly there’s an avalanche barreling down the mountainside.
It got pretty low. Very low. The worst it’s been for me in a damn long time.
Of course, I could blame it on this or that… but the truth is that it really was just a combination of everything. Too many stressors, too little time for processing and reflection. Attempting to keep the peace and be as kind as possible while being forced to defend yourself or people you care about. Fighting to get everything in line when the circumstances are working against you. Trying too hard to put everything in perspective but unable to free yourself from the grip of depression and anxiety long enough to get your feet on the ground.
We’ve all been there. The causes don’t matter. It was what it was.
“Was” because I am finally on the mend… or so it would appear… and looking back on it now, I have some insight I’d like to share.
…
When you find yourself traveling in circles within the spiritual community, you hear a lot of the “Good vibes,” “Positivity,” “The power of manifestation,” and more of what some would call the hippy dippy happy world. Some folks even set up shop and make a home there. And where I am not discounting it entirely - in fact, working to be more positive has dramatically shifted my views and my life over the years - it isn’t all about that. Yes, we have the power to write and control our words, our actions, our choices, and thereby our destiny. Yes, sometimes there are things out of our control, so it isn’t guaranteed. Yes, taking a more positive outlook can shift our attitudes and our days. BUT… the hard truth is that sometimes… it just doesn’t work.
And do you know why?
Because the human experience is not just rooted in the good. It is not just focused on positivity and smiles and “good vibes only.” In fact, as recently noted in an episode of The Good Place, if we solely existed in that space, we would likely become mindless, listless zombie-types.
And where’s the fun in that?
The truth is that sometimes it just fucking sucks. Sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes we are just down in the pit. And no amount of meditation, crystals, prayer, church, or good vibes seem to make a dent in it.
Now, on the flip side, we can’t just live in the pit either. If we just wallow in our misfortune, consistently look at the negative side of every circumstance, or live in a perpetual state of despair, we are missing out on some of the most truly beautiful gifts this life has to offer. We may become numb. We may cease to react. Even the tortures of hell lose their luster when that’s the only thing we know.
The solution, at least in my humble opinion, is to find the balance. That has always been my focus. In fact, it’s what Dove and Blackbird has been built upon. Honoring ALL sides of the human experience. We cannot appreciate the best days without having known the worst. And we cannot acknowledge the worst unless we have known the best. Everything in this life is balance. Yin and Yang. Tui and La (for my ATLA fans out there 😘). One cannot subsist without the other. Without the color, both the darks and the brights, everything is just gray.
The space in between the good and the bad is where contentment resides. Where we are most at peace. Happiness and joy are wonderful, but they fade. Sorrow and sadness are difficult, but they pass. When we know both states, we recognize the gap in between where things are just… good.
In fact, our entire lives are lived in a gap. I’m sure many of you have come across “the dash” musings. How between our birth and our death is the dash in between that connects the two. That dash… is a gap. That gap… is our life. Just as we reside in that gap, we too should reside in the one that bridges the two polarities of our emotional existence.
Trying to be positive is great. Holistic and spiritual lifestyles are wonderful. But they are not the end all be all of how to live a life. Like anything, people can take these to extremes. Some may live in a type of denial of the “real world.” Some may just be going through the motions day by day. Some may use it to help lift others up. And some may spin it to suit their own ends. Sometimes maybe even using it to hurt others - something I’ve experienced very recently.
*incoming clue bat*
A friendly PSA for those who may not know: Spirituality is not a weapon. Vibes and prayers are not supposed to be used with intent to harm. Attacking in the name of your god is still an attack. Standing up for yourself is fine, but that does not give you the right to belittle someone else. As any practicing witch will tell you, that energy is returned to you - sometimes several times over. Do no harm should be as much a rule in each of our lives as it is in the practice of magick. And there is a difference between honoring our shadow selves/working toward healing, and using that platform to accuse and attack. Just like any religion. Just like any practice. It can be anything and everything. It has its own intent and its bastardizations that people warp it into. And this is true for basic human decency as well as a spiritual practice or belief system.
*steps off soapbox*
*exhales*
Now back to our regularly scheduled blogging.
But… denying EITHER side, the light or the dark, is simply living in ignorance.
I am definitely one who preaches more of the peace and love, kindness and gratitude end of things. I don’t dispute that. It has been my own experience and observation that many of us have found it easier to live in the negativity, and I think sometimes we just need that quiet reminder that we can do better. But if you follow me regularly, you’ve seen that I honor the other side too.
It’s okay to admit that we struggle. It’s okay to share our stories. It’s okay to feel vulnerable. I know what it takes to pull yourself out of depression, and I know how trying it still can be when you find yourself in that state of mind again. I know how hard the work is to face yourself in the name of healing. I know the pain of suffering. But I also know the power of gratitude and how a simple acknowledgement every day can readjust your mindset. I recognize the benefit to living in the present and being mindful of everything and everyone around you. Not to say bad things don’t happen, but it’s easier to rebound, or better yet to put it in perspective when your base is on the brighter side of things.
This world is not out to get us. Circumstances are not set against us. Yes, some of us get dealt a worse hand than others, but it isn’t about the hand it’s about what we do with it. Even in poker you can win with a pair of deuces if you know how to play it. And if you sit there mourning the fact that you don’t have a royal flush, you’re going to miss your opportunity to take the game. Here too, it’s not about one side or the other. Yes, having that killer hand is going to make winning easier, and when that happens you have every right to rejoice. Yes, sometimes you’re going to have absolute shit and maybe even have to fold, but ya know what? There’s always the next hand. You can still get a pretty great game out of the deal if you know how to manage the in-between that is neither perfect nor utter garbage.
It’s about the gap.
If you have ever traveled the Tube in London, the conductor often reminds you to “Mind the gap” - that space between the platform and the carriage/train. Now, I for one have never been overseas. I actually learned about it from Neil Gaiman’s incredible novel Neverwhere, where it means something a little different… But we too have to “Mind the gap.” We too have to navigate that in-between, find our footing. Make sure we don’t fall in between the two levels our feet rest upon.
So embrace the joyful moments. Honor the painful ones. And focus on navigating the plethora of emotions that fall between the two. Find your peace. Find your center.
Mind the gap.