Well here we are again, loves. Another week end, another week beginning. Another Weekend Reflection coming at ya…
This week, I have been blessed enough to isolate and work on one of my biggest weaknesses. It started with a prompt in one of my groups, poked its head out here and there throughout the week, got brought up in conversation with my husband, and now just earlier tonight in a live group session, it showed up again.
So let me ask you… What is your biggest weakness?
(You don’t have to actually answer/comment. I mean, you can, if you want, but no pressure lol.)
So many of us are so hard on ourselves. We beat ourselves up, we’re our own worst critic. If someone asks us what our weakness is, we want to give them a fucking laundry list of the worst of our worst.
That’s not what I’m asking here.
Because yes, all of us can make that laundry list. But the truth is there is usually one thing that is bigger than the rest, or one thing that encompasses the rest.
For me, that one thing is speaking my truth.
“What do you mean speaking your truth?”
Well thanks for asking, hypothetical conversation partner!
Speaking your truth is something of a buzz phrase that means to be true to yourself, to who and what you are, and to not be afraid to share that with others. It means to shine your light. It means to honor YOU.
I know, I know. Considering where you’re reading this right now, it would appear that I am, in fact, speaking my truth to the masses, right?
Welllllll…. yes. But no.
I am super comfortable talking here. Hell, it’s my effing website, right? Lol. But here is easy. My Dove and Blackbird social media pages - easy. It is the space I have created where I AM free to be me and you are free to be you, and we can all cruise this ride being our righteous selves together. ✌
But when I’m in a situation where I’m uncertain about where the other person falls on the spirity spectrum? Or when I know they are openly against it… “I know you believe in that stuff, but…” Or if they have the complete wrong idea about it and I risk being harshly judged in that moment? I clam up faster than a clam.
And newsflash…
That’s not how it’s supposed to be.
Now granted, I have several completely valid reasons for feeling that way. I have faced that rejection before, sometimes in devastating ways. I have concerns about other areas of my life suffering terrible consequences if word gets out too much. I get nervous about someone coming down on me so hard that I can’t recover… and of course those of us who battle with anxiety on the daily know that someone accusing you of something, or hell, even THINKING about someone POTENTIALLY accusing you of something, automatically puts you into a tailspin questioning your every word, move, tone, sentence structure, life decision, research method, what you wore today, whether or not you should have put gas in the car this morning because if you had then maybe you would have felt more prepared and put-together if/when this literal or hypothetical conversation happened and you would have been far more eloquent with the words you chose and helped them understand that you are not the enemy, but you didn’t and now you need gas so you’re already stressed on top of this hypothetical conversation and rushing now to get gas before the light comes on because even if your info bar says you have 20 miles left to empty, you know if you drive too fast, or slowly, it may just be 15 and then you’d be stuck on the side of the road and have to call AAA, thank GOD you have AAA and…. wait, did you PAY for AAA this year? because if you didn’t then who do you call when you’re stuck and wait… where was I going with this again?
(Anxiety folks, are you with me? Lol. Tell me that’s not accurate. 😜
Non-anxiety folks… just… consider yourselves blessed. 🙏 Lol.)
BUT… back on topic.
All these concerns that I have? Turns out that ultimately? They’re not about me.
Sure, they’re my fears, sure they are the things that keep me quiet at times where I should maybe spread the love, but I am not responsible for other people’s actions or perceptions.
One more time for the people in the back…
I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S ACTIONS OR PERCEPTIONS!!
If someone rejects me, that is THEIR choice, their issue, their prejudice, their ignorance, their misjudgment. I am happy to educate. I am happy to conversate. Hell, if you know me in real life, you know that I NEVER turn down a good chat. But if they snap to a decision without allowing space for that which they don’t understand, then that is THEIR decision. And their bias has nothing to do with me. In fact, their bias… may even be rooted in their OWN fears.
Say what!?
Yup.
*drops mic*
I know who I am. I know what it has taken to get here. I am happy to share my story if it helps others understand, reflect, come to know a more positive or spiritual life. And if someone feels the need to exit stage left due to my personal belief systems or practices, then it seems pretty clear that their presence in my life has run its course and they are not meant to walk any further with me. Perhaps their departure will free up new energy for someone even more amazing to show up and share some space with me.
It is also worth noting that I’ve had it happen where someone walked into a conversation with me with preconceived notions, and upon discussion realized that our beliefs and experiences were actually almost the same. They came to understand that I may not actually be some crazy, woo-woo, ghosty, spirity lady, but maybe I have just come to understand and learn a thing or two beyond what they had ever considered. Or maybe I was the first person to ever validate THEM and make THEM not think they were crazy for things that have happened in their own lives.
So why am I sharing this with you?
Well, because first, we should all feel free to be ourselves. And we should all have places where we are loved and accepted. In this technological age, even if we can’t breathe the same air as someone who shares our interests, there are thousands upon millions of folks online we can connect with. We are not alone. And when we do experience those negative, or judgmental moments from others, we need to learn from them. We need to peel back the outer shell to find the silver lining of that interaction in order to become better with ourselves. Yes, there are going to be other times we’ll be judged, but when we’re right with ourselves, it won’t bother us a bit.
And trust me, there’s always a silver lining. You may not see it immediately. You may need to take a step back before it snaps into focus, but it is there.
Not only that, but I share this too because we all have areas where we feel we lack. And we all should reflect on that, find out why we feel that way, and assess what we can do to “flip the script” to see things in a different way. Our fears and weaknesses are there to teach us something. If our aim is to be the best version of ourselves, that requires work. And how do we know what to work on? BINGO! Assess our fears and weaknesses. Dig into our shadows. This is where shadow work becomes essential.
So, what is shadow work?
Well, it’s like this blog post was for me. It’s attacking this thing that chokes me (literally) and understanding its foundation. It’s recognizing that that foundation is… ill-founded. It’s changing my way of thinking. It’s honoring the roots and then ripping them up so something better can grow. It’s freeing myself of limiting beliefs and unnecessary anchors around my neck so I am free to fly, to be more authentically me, and to shine my light a little brighter.
It’s facing the fear… and making it your bitch.
Because we are ALL stronger than our fears. We are all strong enough to face them, to stand in the ring, toe-to-toe, and knock ‘em out with a 1-2 punch. Bada BOOM! 🤛🤜
Sometimes… we just need someone to remind us of that.
💖🕯🕊
