One of my favorite things about trying to live a life of awareness, mindfulness, and connection are the synchronicities that the Universe presents to you on a regular basis. Once you really start paying attention, you find they are everywhere and you wonder how the hell you missed them all this time. In my experience, oftentimes when you are working on a particular problem, or trying to wrap your head around a particular lesson, you find yourself face-to-face with reminders, examples, hypothetical situations, people, and memories/past events that enhance that lesson and help you understand exactly what you’re supposed to take from it.
Last week, I wrote about being true to yourself and how you can’t be responsible for the actions and perceptions of others. And I 💯% stand by that post. But to be completely honest with you, I’ve still been struggling with it. I’m still trying to work through my own blocks with it, I’m still apprehensive about putting myself out there. I have a difficult time with judgement. I’ve been judged so harshly, so wrongly, and so repeatedly in my life that it affects me to my bones. And maybe it’s that Libra rising of mine, but when someone misjudges me or I’m faced with a consequence that I don’t deserve, I am completely rattled. I want to rectify the situation and bring all parties to justice. I’m the type of person who always wants to try to be my best and act the best way possible, so when someone has the complete wrong idea of me, I spend hours questioning exactly what I did to warrant that particular judgement or treatment.
But here’s the thing… and this is what I was reminded of repeatedly this weekend in several obvious, undeniable, literal in-your-face ways…
It doesn’t matter how good you try to be. It doesn’t matter how many kind and fair actions you take. It doesn’t matter how much you support people or help others or do the right thing. There are always going to be those who get you wrong. There are always going to be people who for one reason or another, typically due to their own insecurities or shadow selves, are going to blame you, accuse you, make you the scapegoat, feel completely justified in attacking you, throw a label on you and shove you in their pigeonhole… or simply believe the lie that someone else tells them. There are always going to be people who have a completely different view of you than who you are. Actually, just this week, I came across a book (I haven’t read it yet so I can’t say how good it is) that presents the idea that every single person you know or meet sees you in a different way/has a different view of you, and NONE of them are who you really are. Crazy, right? But… also true.
Now, please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying this as an excuse to treat people poorly because it doesn’t matter anyway. On the contrary, I still maintain that you should treat everyone kindly because you never know what they’re going through. I was also reminded this weekend of the power of a little kindness and it just further validated for me that being kind is always the right thing to do. In fact, sometimes those people who misjudge you? With a little kindness, they can come around and realize how very wrong they were about you in the first place. I’ve had that happen before too. And WOW is that a wonderful feeling!
But what I AM saying is that sacrificing who you are, dimming your shine, hiding your self from the world because you’re afraid someone is going to reject you or misjudge you, remaining silent about your truth to try to keep the peace or avoid confrontation… is in a word, pointless. People are going to reject you anyway. People are going to misjudge you anyway. People are going to accuse you of shit you didn’t do, get all up in your face about it because they think they know the situation - which of course they don’t - try to bully you or intimidate you because they somehow think they have a right to, and make you out to be the villain in their drama… anyway. So exactly why the fuck should we hide who we are? If we’re going to be the recipient of other people’s shit anyway, why don’t we just make ourselves happy and be who we are in the meantime? Trying to fit into someone else’s box and then being attacked for it anyway is just adding insult to injury. Then we’re left feeling victimized for something we are not, and we never even got to be who we are. We may as well be attacked for our truth than a misconception, right?
Sorry - I’m trying to restrain myself because something happened to me this weekend that I’m still a little ragey over. But it was seriously exactly the reminder I needed. A reminder of a past situation - that by all rights should be over by now to begin with - that was completely misread, misjudged, and I was the one who got thrown under the bus. Even though I never did what these folks think I did. I acted in the best way I could to be fair to everyone and yet somehow I still got the blame. I never said what they think I said - or at least not in the way they think I said it - and here, almost a year later, someone feels that they have the right to attack me about it… even though she didn’t even have anything to do with it in the first place. I have gone over and over and over my actions, my words, my intentions… and because one person phrased something in one particular way, I have gotten the blame for the entire incident anyway. No one ever gave me the chance to explain, or defend myself. They were all just content to make me the villain and use it as an excuse to lie to me and treat me horribly. To be honest, I don’t actually care that much. It helped show me who they really are and I am glad to be rid of their hateful energy. Nobody needs that in their life. But with this most recent chapter of something that should be long over, the Universe reminded me - as I struggle with just being myself - that even if I do and say everything 100% right, even if I try to make everyone happy and feel supported and loved… there are times when I’m still going to get the blame. So why am I hiding? Why am I keeping myself to myself? I mean, I have safe spaces to unload, engage, and share in the things I love. And I am so incredibly grateful for those spaces. But on the day-to-day, I am tired of letting others dictate who I am, what I say, how I present myself, or how I act. I am tired of allowing people space in my head who have no business being there and nothing positive to bring to the table. I am tired of worrying about how people are going to receive me and what they may think or say. I’m ready to just be my own damn self.
And you should too.
I long for the freedom that comes with being unapologetically ME. I yearn for more moments and conversations where I can support and validate people who are going through the same struggles I am or have. I want to help guide people to be their best, authentic, and beautiful selves. I have so much to say, so much to share, so much I want to bring to this world, and I just want to light it up! 🔥
I’m sharing this story with you because it is my own personal experience that may help you recognize that you should be free to be yourself too. Maybe you’ve had a similar experience. Or maybe you haven’t. Either way, I hope you can find some value in this. I know the struggle. I know how difficult it is to declare to the world, “THIS is who I AM!” I’m working on it. I know you’re working on it. But by not being afraid to shine our light, by embracing who we are and sharing it with others, by treating everyone with kindness, compassion, and understanding, little by little we may just help create a world where we can all be our own damn selves together.
💖🕯🕊
